You can’t avoid growing pains forever . . .

I have been dragging my heels.

As I sat with my books scattered around me, I wondered where to focus next, and finally realized what I have been avoiding.

I don’t know where to let my mind go next, because I am afraid.
I am afraid to open the gates and continue exploring.
I am afraid to become overwhelmed.
I am afraid that if I stumble . . .
I am afraid . . .
I am afraid to move forward.

I have been dragging my heels.
Because I am afraid.
And my avoidant tendencies are so strongly rooted in my behavior,
That I have waited until now to confront it.

I am afraid to continue without my safety net in place.
I am afraid to move forward without your voice.
So I remind myself that if I were saying this to you,
You would give me that look and tell me that I don’t need you.
Because you’ve taught me how to be that voice for myself.

I will do better.
I will remember that I will be okay.
I will remind myself that I know how to not be okay.
And I will know that there is always a great lesson to be learned.

I will continue to grow.

So, I make a promise to myself.
To lift my heels.
And move forward.

“Leap, and the net will appear.” – Julia Cameron

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